After trying to kick-start my Time Travel inspo last week in this post for Alternative Curves, I decided to go with the easiest and most effective time travel I know how – 90s BABY! I’m constantly inspired by the 90s, and that is funny cos I lived through them! I swear to Zeus, if I could be bothered finding my photo albums I’d find a 13 year old Jacqui in a very similar outfit and just as much pizzazz!
Let’s talk pizzazz, self love and being a teenager for a sec – My body insecurities kicked in at around 14 and stayed with me until about 25, so the 90s and this kind of alternative grunge fashion has a special place in my heart because it’s before and during the time I fell victim to the ‘i hate myself and my body’ train. Now, I’m sure you talk to most people about their teenage years and they’ll have the same thing to say. The ones that remember their teenage years super fondly are generally ones that haven’t done much since. I think the expression is “you peaked in High School”, no? Anyway, I certainly didn’t peak in high school, however my confidence (or lack thereof) was segregated. I still was very outgoing in the right circumstances, especially when I was camping with my family and family friends, it was just at school that I was reminded constantly to hate myself. I was reminded in many ways, as all teenagers are, but particularly by a group of charming boys 3 years older that me. And before we go any further, maybe I should clarify that they probably remember high school as the best years of their lives. HA!
Anyway, they followed me home for more than a year taunting me about the way I looked (as well as teasing me in the corridors at school etc). Sometimes there were more than six, but there were three particular guys that formed the core. Let’s put in adult perspective – what the actual fuck is wrong with year 10 (15/16 year old) boys to pick on a girl that is 13/14 and in no way ever did anything wrong towards them? ‘Mama never loved them much, Daddy never kept in touch’? I’m paraphrasing Savage Garden now, but seriously, how could they not know what they were doing was wrong? Actually I’ve heard snippets from people who knew them over the years about just how messed up at least 1 out of the group was, but, the others should have really known better – but I guess if I spoke to them now, maybe, just maaaaaybe they’d admit that they were temporarily the spawn of satan?
Unfortunately, as a 14 year old girl, I believed it was my fault that I was being continually bullied by fucktards who were so insecure about themselves that they took it upon themselves to cut down a girl who walked a little too confidently for their liking. It took me more than a year to even tell my parents that it was happening because I was so ashamed. Ashamed of what? Not being able to handle a pack following me home and shouting at me? Holy hell, if that happened to me now I doubt I’d be able to ‘handle’ it… I think I thought if I ignored them, it would go away. But, my god! A year! A year of hating going to school, furtively planning my way through the school halls to hopefully avoid them, but, they always found me. Trying to leave early so they didn’t walk behind me, trying to leave late after they’d already gone, being constantly on edge, feeling bad for my friends who walked home with me because they had to endure the bullying too, even though it wasn’t directed at them… man, why did I wait a year? I totally should have spun around and headbutted them. Hindsight is a beautiful thing. And, if I DID get a time machine, I would go back to the time when I wore this awesome 90s grunge fashion, and start a rumble in the corridors of Jacqui’s year 8 high school against a group of middle-class, white Australian boys who liked to play tough and pick on a girl younger than them. Because, violence is NOT the answer but damn, it would feel SO GOOD to slap them just once for all the internal shit and self loathing they caused me, I guess I should slap myself too though for tolerating it for so long.
FYI, I finally did tell my parents and the guys got suspended and pretty much left me alone after that, but, to be honest, the damage was already done. I wish I’d spoken up sooner to save myself a horrible year. Obviously that is just one story in the ‘I hate myself and my body’ train, there are gazillions of others, as I’m sure every person has more than enough of their teenage angst to share. But when I’m doing a 90s/time travel post – teenage Jacqui naturally shows herself.
Anyway, back to these glorious photos! You can see I’m pretty sunburnt along a strip of my arm – selling PHO sizzle at Rose Street Artists Market yesterday and pretending the sun wouldn’t get me, and haphazardly applying sunscreen. While I was there I devised this outfit (in between selling my funky clothes), a blend of The Craft and Poison Ivy with a very summer vibe. I LOVE tie dye (as shown here and here) and am happy to have a bit more of it in my wardrobe. I got this tie dyed number from my Red Yak – a guy who sells at Rose St every Sunday and has a collection of clothes. I’ve seen a lot of them before in places like Khao San Rd in Thailand, but in amongst the free-size dresses (which aren’t free-size – this article points that flawed logic out amazingly well!) are gorgeous and very 90s style things – like this bae. Yeah, I just said bae in a post. I need more coffee.
Tie Dye Dress: Red Yak Hat: Dotti Sunnies: Jay Jays
Hey, don’t forget to check out the other baes (HA!) from Alternative Curves and their take on Time Travel! And while I’m giving suggestions – don’t let bullies win – stand up for yourself.