Top 5: Bad Bitches with Great Taste

Oh yeah, those villainesses in movies that might be evil to the core (but often aren’t, I mean, none of these ladies are as bad as Ursula) have some rockingly good threads! So, for this Top 5, I’m paying homage to the bad bitches with the enviably good wardrobes. So, coming in at 5 is…

# 5: Laura from Brick

Uh-oh! That was a total spoiler if you haven’t seen the movie cos I don’t think you realize right until the end that she is, indeed a bad bitch, but, meh, what can I do? I’m talking about clothes here!

So, Laura, deliciously hard to read Laura. A modern femme fatale all dolled up in glorious clothes and big doe eyes. YUM. The outfits we see her in kinda differ from high school hipster to quasi-Chinese princess. I love the feathers in her hair (I refuse to use the word fascinator) in the confrontation scene on the high school oval. I also love Joseph Gordon Dewitt’s dialogue (whole script here, pg 104) in this scene, it’s so so so typical of film noir, hardboiled scenes when the detective has to confront the black widow and uses words like ‘sugar and doll’ while telling her the whole scheme that he’s figured out… Oh, and if you haven’t seen this neo-noir thriller, get on it! It’s one of my favorite movies, and Laura, has a great collection of clothes.

 

# 4: The Snow Queen from Snow Queen

 

We all know white on white is trending at the moment right? And what’s more white on white that the original bad bitch of fairy tales, the god-damn sexy Snow Queen? Bridget Fonda plays the snow queen very well in this otherwise mediocre 2002 Hallmark version of the story. She is seductive, cruel and sexily taunting towards her prisoner Kai(who is not too bad on the eyes himself) and her body guard the Polar Bear is good for a bit of comic relief and creepy fetishes if you are into bestiality. But, aside from all that, her snowy, winter outfits of all white are amazing! I love them so much! I want a white hat as big as hers, and a huge fathered all white coat. I also want to have her evil powers of seduction…  I have also tried to have hair her color for a long time. Oh, Snow Queen, I would trade places with you in a second, and I’d find a man to finish putting together that mirror for you so it can be winter forever! 

 

# 3: Miss Hannigan from Annie

I know, I know, Miss Hannigan was a drunk, but, I actually, completely understand why. I mean, those orphan girls were little fuckers! Annie put a dead mouse down her cleavage for Zeus’s Sake! I would clobber someone if they did that to me, irregardless of how old they were. And seriously, Miss Hannigan is way less creepy that Miss Clavel from Madeline, who, as I realized as an adult, kissed those girls goodnight in their rooms every night… Suss. Highly Suss. (I’m sure Miss Clavel wasn’t a pedo, but, I still wonder if they might rethink that part of the book if they were writing it today) Miss Clavel reminds me of a pre-code film we had to study in a Film Studies class called Queer Cinema about a Prussian Girls Boarding School where the teacher would kiss the girls (who are teenagers so ) goodnight. And, I mean kiss. It’s called Girls in Uniform and was made in 1931, worth watching if you are interested in early portrayals of Lesbianism in cinema, before Joseph Hays came and fucked it up for everyone. Wow. That was a tangent! Back to the wonderful Miss Hannigan! So yes, she may be partial to a drink, but some am I, and have you seen her clothes?? Amazing! Her lingerie collection makes me green with jealousy! And all those jewels! And she isn’t so bad, she actually cares about those girls, so, she is one of the wonderful three dimensional characters that, as you rewatch it as an adult, you can see the reasons behind her actions.

 

 # 2: Lily St Regis also from Annie

“You know? Like the hotel?” What a sexy, evil, pretending-to-be-a-dumb-blonde bombshell! Oh Lily is so much more evil than Miss Hannigan, I mean, she’s gonna push that red-headed brat to her death, while Hannigan has some mercy and heart. (Now, I’m listening to Easy Street on Youtube) Oh, the dress and hat Lily wears in this scene, I would probably murder her for them. I also love her curly, super blonde hair, and ridiculously high pitched voice. She is a mean one, but, as an adult, I can also see that she (and Rooster, who, I kinda love) are just trying to make ends meet. I mean, have you seen Daddy Warbucks mansion? I totally understand pulling the scam they pulled, however I don’t think I could kill Annie, no matter how annoying I find her. Oh, Lily, your evilness, coupled with that killer cleavage dress makes you come in at #2.

#1 Baroness Schraeder from The Sound of Music

Can I just take a second here to explain the Baroness to you. She’s been dating a reclusive, control freak Captain with a whistle fetish. She’s been convincing him to come out and socialize with some of the peeps of Vienna, attend some parties and not be such a noob. Then, some fucking nun comes and steals her boyfriend! I’m sorry Maria, but, that is exactly what you did!! They were dating and you, with your ridiculously bad outfits made from curtains ruined it. You aren’t a good person (hence being kicked out of the nunnery in the first place), you are a lil bitch who stole this beautiful, dignified, graceful, kind lady’s soon to be husband. #fact. So, with all that in mind, I want to argue that there is no way Baroness Schraeder is a bad bitch like Lily or the Snow Queen, or even Miss Hannigan; the worst thing the Baroness does is say she’s gonna send 7 children, who are, essentially pretty god-damn rude, to boarding school and gently tell a nun that she is behaving like a whorish school girl and that she should back the fuck away from her fiance. Baroness Schraeder is a victim who behaves in a pretty classy way in a bad situation. I would have probably had Maria in a headlock, or called the Nazi’s onto her.  But, she is still, kind of, portrayed as the bad girl, cos she doesn’t wanna raise 7 bratty kids that aren’t hers but, I dunno… I love her, and even as a child, I loved her. She is a bad girl with an amazing wardrobe! 

  

So, there you have it, my top 5 bad bitches (who aren’t necessarily so bad) with kickingly great taste whose wardrobes I would raid  if I could!

 “Now, if you’ll forgive me, I’ll go inside, pack my little bags, and return to Vienna where I belong”

xox

Jacqui 



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6 Comments on Top 5: Bad Bitches with Great Taste

  1. Sacramento Amate
    July 11, 2013 at 6:35 am (2 years ago)

    Thank you for sharing magic, my dear jacqueline.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    Reply
  2. Sabine Oudt
    July 11, 2013 at 1:30 pm (2 years ago)

    Haha great post! I too was always a big baroness Schrader fan!

    Reply

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